, butAndrey', , andperhapstheveryhour, inwhichAlyoshafellontheearth, andrapturouslysworetoloveitforeverandever.

Allwasconfusion, confusion, inMitya'ssoul, butalthoughmanythingsweregoadinghisheart, atthatmomenthiswholebeingwasyearningforher, hisqueen, ; , , hewouldhavebeenjealousatonce, , hefeltnoenvy, nohostilityeven, forthemanwhohadbeenherfirstlover....Itistruehehadnotyetseenhim.

"Heretherewasnoroomfordispute: itwasherrightandhis; thiswasherfirstlovewhich, afterfiveyears, shehadnotforgotten; soshehadlovedhimonlyforthosefiveyears, andI, howdoIcomein? WhatrighthaveI? Stepaside, Mitya, andmakeway! WhatamInow? Noweverythingisoverapartfromtheofficer—evenifhehadnotappeared, everythingwouldbeover..."

Thesewordswouldroughlyhaveexpressedhisfeelings, 'sfirstwords, ithadsprungfromfeeling, andbeenadoptedinaflash, , inspiteofhisresolution, therewasconfusioninhissoul, anagonizingconfusion: , atmoments, tothinkthathehadwrittenhisownsentenceofdeathwithpenandpaper: "Ipunishmyself," andthepaperwaslyingthereinhispocket, ready; thepistolwasloaded; hehadalreadyresolvedhow, nextmorning, hewouldmeetthefirstwarmrayof "golden-hairedPh?bus."

Andyethecouldnotbequitofthepast, , , tojumpoutofthecart, topullouthisloadedpistol, , "devouringspace," andashedrewnearhisgoal, againthethoughtofher, ofheralone, tookmoreandmorecompletepossessionofhissoul, , howhelongedtolookuponher, ifonlyforamoment, ifonlyfromadistance!